Transforming into Transformation

When I set off on a big career change almost two years ago, I knew it would mean a radical transformation for me personally. Apposite, given that my field of specialism is helping companies and individuals transform.

Twenty years in corporate life had given me many opportunities to grow and learn, but in other ways I had slowly moulded myself into an identity that was no longer authentic to me. While working at The Times I had helped transform a 250 year old institution into a company fit for the digital age. But I needed to leave that stable in order to evolve – to become the person I needed to become.

It seems almost poetic that I write this now as my home city bursts into the life of spring. But my personal journey of transforming into transformation has been filled with challenges and there have at times been moments of feeling lost – dark nights of the soul – as I faced into new and constantly evolving work challenges, navigating all the highs and lows of being newly self employed.

I may have been building more and more clarity about my purpose, but often old patterns would get in the way when I was in the grip of worrying about whether a pitch was good enough, or when dealing with challenging psychodynamics in the organisations I was working with.

Through my work with Eunice I came to realise that I had to work with those old patterns – not against them – and find new ways to show up. Growing my business and my capacity to become more skilled in my client work ultimately meant working on myself.

I’ve just concluded my first year of supervision at the end of which Eunice made an invitation to our group to reflect on what had changed in the past 12 months. I remembered back to the first day I joined the group, my physical shape (contracted, tense), my emotions (terrified). I realise now how much the process of working ‘through’ rather than ‘against’ has opened up new possibilities, not just for me personally, but for my business and the work that I do with my clients. I ‘get’ the challenges many of my clients are working through because I have lived them myself. And now I am growing in confidence to step into my own authorship, put my identity out to the world and learn to listen to the wisdom this experience has given me in order to help others do the same.

The work is not yet done (is it ever?!) – I am definitely not short of ‘my moments.’ But I feel I’ve honoured my commitment to work towards the person I needed to become. There is always more growth – and I’m feeling energised as I move into all the possibilities this springtime of my transformation offers!